After the Wedding
by emalinourie
Summary: Otalia. I started writing this just after the wedding, imagining what their first encounter after “There is no us” would be. Many tears... somehow I expected a lot of tears.


**Title**: After the Wedding (1/1)

**Author**: emalinourie

**Pairing**: Otalia

**Rating**: T (PG-13)

**Disclaimer**: Not mine

**Summary**: I started writing this just after the wedding, imagining what their first encounter after "There is no us" would be. Many tears…somehow I expected a lot of tears.

**Author's note**: Many thanks to the awesome Erikatica

Olivia looked around her, observing her room as through a half-opaque curtain before her eyes. It had been two weeks since she'd been back at the Beacon. The room looked sterile. It did not feel like home, despite Emma's puzzles and books and a mountain of shoes scattered all over the place. Olivia had not yet the heart to unpack her boxes, her belongings reminding her too much of the time at the farmhouse.

She spied three of Emma's dolls lying around. She had tried to be strong for her daughter's sake when they were playing house yesterday. Emma didn't understand why they couldn't move back to the farmhouse again, now that Natalia lived there alone, and she had meticuously cut out a soft pink _We miss you_ _Natalia _heart the other day. Olivia didn't want her daughter to worry, but Emma was clearly sad. Olivia hoped that Emma would find her glowing happiness again soon.

So she pretended that mommy was okay, even though Olivia had barely been eating and had trouble sleeping. She felt a numb emptiness that at least helped her get through her day, facing Emma and the Coopers and everyone at the Beacon, and even an unhappy Natalia from time to time.

Olivia had tried to drown her misery with drinks, but she didn't even feel like drinking anymore right now, the pain still being ever-present.

When she let herself sink onto the edge of the bed, she was glad she finally had a bit of time for herself. Emma was safely on a playdate with Stephen and wouldn't be back for at least another hour. She had put so much into herself at work these last days, and the exhaustion and strain were beginning to take their toll. She let herself fall onto the bed cover, not paying any attention to her suit being completely crumpled. She curled up like a fetus, desperately trying to relax and to find some peace. As she allowed her thoughts to wander, she was suddenly back again to that fateful day that had crushed all her hopes and dreams. All she could think of now was Natalia standing before her in the gazebo and telling her she loved her. Olivia had felt an overflow of mixed emotions at that moment; tenderness, relief, desperation, hope, misery, joy, but above all the greatest, purest love she had ever felt. But now, she only felt a numb emptiness inside her.

It was supposed to be the happiest day of Natalia's life. Olivia had put her heart into making the impossible possible and fulfill Natalia's childhood dream of having a loving husband and a big family. She had fought hard to keep her own feelings at bay; they had already been bottled up for so long, and yet she had spilled them out in desperation and angst. She wanted Natalia to be happy, even if meant losing her forever, and yet she had ruined everything. She was scared, she had to admit. She didn't want to make Natalia _unhappy_, and whatever she did, it wasn't in her power to make Natalia _happy _either. Olivia felt that she had failed miserably. She fought back her tears.

Doris had been a great support for her, comforting her when all was over, when all the wedding guests were gone and Emma had been put to bed. She had collapsed in Doris's arms, crying an ocean of tears until she had not a single tear left, grateful that this woman had offered her her friendship und understanding when she most needed it.

A knock at the door startled her out of her reverie. Could that be Emma already? But Emma would just storm in, like she always did, wouldn't she? She let out a sigh and slowly got up to open the door.

She was surprised when she saw Natalia standing in the doorframe. "Natalia?"

"Olivia. Hi," the other woman said, uncertainty clouding her voice. "Can we talk?"

Olivia let her in, reluctantly, not knowing what to make of the situation. She was confused. They both sat down on the big empty bed, each of them sitting at the other edge. Olivia felt self-conscious, but she could see that Natalia wasn't feeling any more confident than she was. After two weeks of not being able to look at Natalia, her feelings now hit her with full force again. She briefly closed her eyes, begging this conversation would be over soon.

"I've been talking to Sister Ann," Natalia began. "It wasn't a confession. But—we had a long talk. And—she helped me come to terms with my feelings for God _and_ my feelings for you."

Olivia swallowed. She was still confused. Was what she saying?

Natalia continued. "And I also spoke with Frank. We're not engaged anymore."

Olivia helt her breath. "Did you tell him about us?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Natalia lowered her head. "I told him that I would have married him for the wrong reasons and that it was against my true feelings. I don't think he fully understood my reasons. But he did understand that there is no future for us." She looked directly into Olivia's eyes now, her big brown eyes full of unshed tears. "I loved Frank but I'm _in love_ with you, Olivia. If you want me to be happy, let me be with you." A single tear fell on her lap.

Olivia'eyes also began to fill. All through the past few weeks she had told herself to forget Natalia, and she could barely think now. Did that mean that there could be a future for them? Olivia tried to speak, but no words would come. She just stared at Natalia, tears dwelling. She lowered her head.

"Olivia?" Natalia asked with an anxious look in her eyes. "Olivia, it's you I want to be with. Please let us give this a chance," she pleaded. "Give us a chance."

The meaning of Natalia's words finally hit her, but Olivia couldn't find her bearings just yet. She lifted her head and stared at Natalia, tears running down her cheek now.

Finally, everything she was feeling tumbled out of her mouth. "I just have been so scared of never seeing you again," she said, her voice thick with tears. "And of what would happen if we did, and how we were going to ever work this out and face each other again?" She looked at Natalia. "I was so scared about us," she sobbed, hands covering her eyes, suddenly ashamed of her tears.

She felt Natalia take her into her arms, gently stroking her hair. "Don't worry. We'll work this out," she said soothingly, still caressing her. "We can be scared together."

"I've missed you so much," Olivia whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"I've missed you too," Natalia whispered against her hair. "Without you I can't be happy." She coninued to stroke Olivia's hair. "Please, will you come home? I want us to be a family again."

Olivia dis-entangled herself reluctantly from Natalia's arms, taking her hands. She nodded, feeling the tears coming up once more. "I will not let you go again."

She felt Natalia looking at her, slowly coming closer. Suddenly, they were interrupted by the door opening, where Emma soon stood. "Mommy I'm ba—Natalia!"

The girl ran over to her other mommy, and Natalia her took in her arms, planting a kiss on her head. "Hey, sweetie."

"I've missed you, and now you're back here!" Her daughter looked overjoyed. She pointed at her two mommies, who were still holding hands. "Does that mean we're moving in again?" She looked expectantly at Olivia.

Olivia looked at Natalia. "Yes Jellybean, we are." She smiled, taking her daughter into her arms, still holding hands with Natalia. "We're a family."


End file.
